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JUST JEFF -
MAKE CALIFORNIA GREAT AGAIN!
Times in California are not so great. Illegal Mexican immigrants are raping us. Countries like China and Mexico are sucking away our jobs. Bad people are crossing our borders every day with drugs and other bad things. Our north, south, east and western borders are open to terrorists from ISIS who cross every day and threaten our families, our communities and our lives. There are no jobs for anybody anywhere. We don't win anymore!
I am the man who can stem this wave of terribleness sweeping our great State. Therefore, I have decided to run for governor of the great State of California.
PURPOSE:TO MAKE CALIFORNIA GREAT AGAIN!
by Dave Barry
I called my friend Andy Sable, a gastroenterologist, to make an appointment for a colonoscopy. A few days later, in his office, Andy showed me a color diagram of the colon, a lengthy organ that appears to go all over the place, at one point passing briefly through Jefferson, Ohio . Then Andy explained the colonoscopy procedure to me in a thorough, reassuring and patient manner. I nodded thoughtfully, but I didn't really hear anything he said, because my brain was shrieking, 'HE'S GOING TO STICK A TUBE 17,000 FEET UP YOUR BEHIND!'
I left Andy's office with some written instructions, and a prescription for a product called 'MoviPrep,' which comes in a box large enough to hold a microwave oven. I will discuss MoviPrep in detail later; for now suffice it to say that we must never allow it to fall into the hands of America's enemies.
I spent the next several days productively sitting around being nervous.
Then, on the day before my colonoscopy, I began my preparation. In accordance with my instructions, I didn't eat any solid food that day; all I had was chicken broth, which is basically water, only with less flavor.
Then, in the evening, I took the MoviPrep. You mix two packets of powder together in a one-liter plastic jug, then you fill it with lukewarm water. (For those unfamiliar with the metric system, a liter is about 32 gallons). Then you have to drink the whole jug. This takes about an hour, because MoviPrep tastes - and here I am being kind - like a mixture of goat spit and urinal cleanser, with just a hint of lemon. . . .
Robyn Rosenberger is one special woman... but not as special as the little kids she helps! Robyn sews superhero capes for children living with disabilities or serious illnesses and then posts the stories to her website, TinySuperheroes. She then shows the children JUST how super they are by showing them the website and how many people they inspire!
She was inspired to make the capes when she read a story about Brenna, a 1 year-old with a rare skin disorder. The little girl's skin is susceptible to infection and leads to her being covered in scaly growths. Moved by the little girl's situation, Robyn reached out to her mother and asked if she could send little Brenna a cape.
Perception: Something to Think About
In Washington, DC, at a Metro Station, on a cold January morning in 2007, this man with a violin played six Bach pieces for about 45 minutes. During that time, approximately 2,000 people went through the station, most of them on their way to work. After about three minutes, a middle-aged man noticed that there was a musician playing. He slowed his pace and stopped for a few seconds, and then he hurried on to meet his schedule.
On 21 November, 2013 the Democrat party passed a Political option to the Senate floor of the USA. It is called the Nuclear option because of it's political consequenses.
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